Reflecting on how children experience place – in their homes, relationships, bodies and worlds – and why trauma can make belonging feel complicated
Children’s Mental Health Week asks us to pause and think about a simple but powerful idea: “this is my place.”
At first, it sounds straightforward. We picture bedrooms and classrooms, homes and playgrounds. Yet in our work with children and families, the word place is rarely that simple. It carries many layers of meaning, all of which shape how safe and settled a child feels in the world.
Place can mean where you live. It can mean where you fit. It can mean how safe you feel inside yourself. It can mean where you stand with other people.
For children and young people who have experienced trauma, these different meanings of place can become tangled and uncertain. Understanding this helps us understand why belonging can feel fragile – and why it is so important for mental health.
Place is more than geography
Of course, place has a literal meaning. Children need somewhere stable to sleep, eat, learn and play. Predictable environments and familiar routines provide an essential foundation for wellbeing.
But place is not only about buildings and addresses. We all know from our own lives that it is possible to be somewhere without truly feeling at home there. A child can have a bedroom and still not feel settled. They can sit in the same classroom every day and still feel like an outsider. They can be surrounded by caring adults and yet quietly wonder whether they really belong.
So, place is not simply where a child is. It is how secure they feel where they are.
This distinction matters, especially for children whose early experiences have been unsettled or frightening. Belonging grows not only from physical stability, but from emotional and relational safety as well.
A place in relationships
Perhaps the most important meaning of place is relational. Children need to know that they have a secure place in someone’s mind and heart. They need to feel that they are held in mind, remembered, wanted and valued – even when they are struggling.
For children who have experienced loss, rejection or change, this sense of relational place can feel really fragile. Many carry quiet (or sometimes not so quiet!) worries that they do not always have the words to express: Do I really belong here? Will people still want me if I get things wrong? Is my place safe?
Belonging grows when children experience relationships that can hold their difficult feelings without pushing them away. When adults stay close during hard moments, repair after disagreements and remain emotionally available, children slowly begin to trust that their place in the relationship is steady. These experiences help to soften the fear that belonging is conditional.
A place inside yourself
We also use the word place to describe how we feel internally. Parents sometimes tell us, “I’m not in a good place at the moment.” Children experience this too, even if they cannot put it into words.
Trauma can leave children feeling unsettled inside their own bodies and minds. In our therapeutic parenting courses, we sometimes talk about children seeing the world through grey lenses – where new situations feel risky and emotions feel overwhelming. When a child is frequently in what we call their ‘red brain,’ their internal place does not feel calm or safe.
This is important because belonging is not only about external circumstances. A child can be in a safe home and still feel internally unsafe. Helping children find a steadier, calmer place within themselves is therefore a crucial part of helping them feel that they belong anywhere at all.
A place in the social world
As children grow, place becomes increasingly social. School corridors, playgrounds and friendship groups are all places where belonging is tested every day.
Many children and teens who have experienced trauma find these social places particularly challenging. They may feel different from their peers, unsure of how to fit in, or worried about being rejected. Having ‘a place at school’ is not the same as feeling that you genuinely have a place among the people there.
When a child feels accepted and understood by peers and adults, school and community can become places of growth and confidence. When they feel on the edge of things, those same environments can feel lonely and overwhelming. Belonging, in this sense, is about knowing where you stand and feeling that you are welcome there.
A place in time
For some children, place is also connected to time. Trauma can make the future feel unpredictable and the past feel very close. Transitions (like moving year groups, changing schools, growing older) can unsettle a child’s sense of where they are in their own story.
Belonging includes feeling that you have a safe place in your life journey: a past that is understood, a present that feels secure, and a future that feels possible. When children feel stuck or uncertain about what comes next, it can be harder for them to feel settled in the present moment.
A sensory place
Children experience place through their bodies as well as their emotions. Some environments feel calm and containing; others feel loud, bright, busy or unpredictable. For children whose nervous systems are easily triggered, a place can feel unsafe simply because it is too overwhelming.
Recognising this helps us remember that belonging is physical and sensory as well as relational. Creating places that feel manageable and predictable can make a significant difference to how safe a child feels, even before a word has been spoken.
A place for parents and carers
It is important to remember that place is not only a child’s experience. Parents and carers are on their own journey of belonging too.
Caring for a child who has experienced trauma can be emotionally demanding in ways that are often invisible to others. Many parents describe feeling worried, exhausted or unsure of themselves. They may be trying to manage challenging behaviour, navigate complex systems, and hold together family life, all while carrying their own hopes and fears for the future.
When adults feel stretched or overwhelmed, it can be much harder to offer the calm, steady presence that helps children feel secure. This is not a failure of parenting – it is a natural human response to sustained pressure.
Supporting a child’s sense of place therefore also means supporting the adults around them. Parents and carers need understanding, encouragement and spaces where they feel heard and held in mind. They need places – emotionally and practically – where they can pause, regroup and feel supported themselves.
Belonging is something that families create together. A child is far more able to feel safe and settled when the adults caring for them feel steadier, more confident and less alone. Looking after parents and carers is therefore not separate from supporting children’s mental health; it is an essential part of it.
Looking beyond behaviour
When children struggle, it is easy to focus on what we can see – the behaviour in front of us. However, behaviour is often a signal that some aspect of a child’s place feels unsafe or uncertain.
- A child who pushes people away may be protecting a fragile sense of belonging.
- A child who avoids new experiences may not feel their place is secure enough to take risks.
- A child who reacts strongly may be communicating how unsettled they feel inside.
Understanding the many meanings of place helps us look beyond behaviour and respond with curiosity and empathy. The goal is not simply to make children behave differently, but to help them feel safe enough to belong.
Why “This Is My Place” matters
A genuine sense of place sits at the heart of children’s mental health. When children feel rooted and connected, anxiety often reduces, learning becomes easier and relationships feel less frightening. Confidence and resilience grow from knowing that there is somewhere – and someone – they can return to.
Without that inner sense of belonging, even the safest environments can feel lonely and uncertain. Place, in its fullest sense, gives children the emotional ground they need to explore the world and to grow.
When a child feels that they truly have a place, the world becomes more predictable and manageable. They are better able to regulate their emotions, to ask for help, and to trust the adults around them. Feeling rooted somewhere gives children the confidence to take small risks, to learn from mistakes, and to believe that difficult moments do not threaten their belonging.
I am safe here. I am wanted here. This is my place.
An invitation during Children’s Mental Health Week
The theme “This is my place” invites all of us – parents, carers, teachers, social workers, professionals and communities – to think about the part we play in helping children feel that they belong. Often it is not grand gestures that make the difference, but ordinary, repeated experiences: being welcomed each day, having routines that can be relied on, being listened to, and being welcomed back after difficult moments.
At Gateway Psychology, our work with children, families and professionals is guided by this belief. Our aim is to support children to feel safe, settled and connected in every aspect of their lives, so that a genuine sense of place can develop.