Guidance for adoptive parents, special guardians, and kinship carers as young people take their next step into independence

Starting university is a milestone that many families dream of. For young people who have been adopted, are under a Special Guardianship Order (SGO), or are growing up in kinship care, this step can be even more significant. It marks a powerful moment of achievement – proof of resilience and potential after a difficult start in life. But alongside pride often comes anxiety. Moving away from home, managing money, navigating new friendships, and handling academic pressures can feel overwhelming for any young person. For care-experienced students, the challenges of independence may be heightened by their history and by the fact that they often have smaller support networks than their peers.

For parents and carers, this is also a major transition. Supporting a young adult into independence requires a different balance of involvement and trust, and it can be hard to know how much to step in – and when to step back.

Why the summer before university can feel tricky

The long summer after school or college is often filled with anticipation. For care-experienced young people, though, it can also be unsettling. As September draws closer, they may worry about:

  • Leaving the safety of home: for children who’ve experienced loss, moving away can stir up old anxieties about separation.
  • Fitting in: worries about whether their family story will make them “different” from their peers.
  • Managing independence: how they’ll cope with money, cooking, deadlines, and social life all at once.
  • What happens during holidays: will their friends (old and new) still be there?

Some of these worries may be voiced; others may be hidden beneath a surface of excitement or even defiance (“I can’t wait to leave!”). As a parent or carer, being aware of the hidden anxieties is just as important as celebrating the achievements.

Practical support before they go

Preparation can make the step into university life less overwhelming. In the summer before they leave, focus on both practical skills and emotional reassurance.

Encourage your young person to:

  • Practise independent living skills: cooking a few basic meals, managing laundry, and sticking to a budget for a week at home.
  • Sort out finances early: help them apply for student finance, bursaries, and care-experienced scholarships well before deadlines.
  • Explore the university environment: visit halls and local shops if possible, or use virtual tours to make the new place more familiar.
  • Think through holidays: make sure they know where they’ll be during Christmas, Easter, and summer breaks.
  • The reassurance of a “home base”: even if they don’t use it much –  can significantly reduce anxiety.

The first few weeks at university

Once September arrives, the adjustment is real. Fresher’s Week, new flatmates, and the buzz of a busy campus can be exciting, but also overwhelming. Many care-experienced students struggle with:

  • Loneliness, especially if they feel different from peers talking about family life.
  • Self-doubt, questioning whether they really belong at university.
  • Practical overwhelm, like managing deadlines, cooking, and budgeting all at once.

Your role shifts here – from hands-on support to being a steady base they can return to when needed. Agree on how you’ll keep in touch. For some, a daily text or weekly call works well; others prefer more flexibility. The key is consistency without pressure.

University support systems

The good news is that more universities are recognising the unique needs of care-experienced students. Supports often include:

  • Dedicated care-experienced officers – staff who act as a point of contact for advice and advocacy.
  • Bursaries and scholarships – financial help specifically for adopted, kinship, and care-experienced students.
  • Year-round accommodation – many universities guarantee 365-day housing so no one is left without a place to stay during holidays.
  • Priority access to wellbeing services – quicker routes into counselling or support.

It’s worth encouraging your young person to declare their care-experienced status on application forms so these supports can be accessed.

Looking after yourself

It’s easy to focus entirely on your young person’s needs during this time, but your own adjustment matters too. Many parents, special guardians, and kinship carers describe a strange mix of pride, relief, and loss when a young person leaves home. After years of being their anchor, stepping back can feel unsettling.

This is where building your own knowledge and support can help. Courses like Adolescence, Attachment and Building Connection (A-ABC) can be useful even at this stage. A-ABC is an eight-session virtual programme for parents and carers, exploring teenage brain development, how attachment plays out during adolescence, and how these patterns affect young people with a history of trauma. While your child may be legally an adult, the science is clear: the adolescent brain continues developing into the mid-20s. That means the insights and strategies from A-ABC remain highly relevant for supporting young adults at university.

Equally important, A-ABC offers connection with other carers in similar situations  –  a reminder that you are not alone in navigating this transition.

Finding the balance

Perhaps the hardest part of this stage is striking the balance between independence and support. Too much involvement can feel intrusive; too little can leave your child feeling abandoned. There’s no single right answer – the “sweet spot” will vary depending on your young person’s personality and needs.

A few guiding principles can help:

  • Agree boundaries together – how often you’ll check in, how money is managed, what to do in emergencies.
  • Step back but stay available – give them the space to try, fail, and learn, while reminding them they can always call you.
  • Focus on encouragement – celebrate effort and resilience, not just achievements.
  • Plan for setbacks – reassure them (and yourself) that wobbling doesn’t mean failing.

A new chapter, not the end

University is often seen as the beginning of adulthood, but it’s really just another stage in the long process of growing up. For adopted and care-experienced students, it can be both exhilarating and frightening. For parents and carers, it brings pride mixed with worry.

By preparing practically, staying connected emotionally, and using the support systems available – both for your young person and for yourself – this transition can be a positive step. September does not have to mean letting go completely; it can mean shifting the relationship towards one of trust, encouragement, and mutual respect.

For many young people, and the families who love them, it is the beginning of a new chapter filled with growth, discovery, and possibility.