Practical advice for parents and carers on helping teens settle into new routines, teachers, and expectations

The move into a new school year is always a big step for children and teenagers, but for those who are adopted, under a Special Guardianship Order (SGO), or living with kinship carers, September can feel particularly challenging. The summer holidays bring long breaks in routine, and moving up a year means meeting new teachers, facing new expectations, and sometimes making sense of new friendship groups.

For many young people this is an exciting time, but for care-experienced children, change can stir up feelings of anxiety, uncertainty, or even fear. Understanding why these transitions matter, what challenges might appear, and how to support your child can make the difference between a rocky start and a settled one.

Why September transitions can feel so big

The six-week summer holiday is a long gap in routine. Teens often relax into a different rhythm during this time  –  later nights, family time, or holiday activities. For young people with a history of trauma or disrupted care, this sudden shift away from school can feel destabilising. When September comes, it may not feel like “going back” but like starting again from scratch.

In secondary school, transitions are even more demanding. Every September brings:

  • A new timetable with different teachers for each subject.
  • Higher academic expectations than the year before.
  • Changes in peer groups, as friendships naturally shift.
  • For some, a completely new environment –  moving from primary to secondary.

These changes are stressful for most children, but for adopted and kinship children, they can echo earlier experiences of loss or instability.

Leaving behind a trusted form tutor, teaching assistant, or friendship group may feel like another “goodbye” in a long history of goodbyes.

Common signs your teen might be struggling

Adopted and kinship teenagers may not always say they’re struggling. Some will openly show their distress, while others keep it hidden at school and release it at home. It’s common to see:

  • Organisation difficulties: forgetting homework, PE kit, or where they should be.
  • Anxiety about new teachers: worrying whether adults will be strict or supportive.
  • Masking at school: working hard to appear fine, then breaking down at home.
  • Identity questions: teenagers often reflect more on their family story during adolescence, and school environments can magnify these feelings.
  • Behaviour that’s misunderstood: what looks like defiance may actually be a fear response.

It’s worth remembering that your child isn’t being lazy, careless, or deliberately difficult. These behaviours are signs of stress in a demanding environment.

Preparing before term starts

Preparation over the summer can reduce the shock of September. The goal is to make the unknowns feel more familiar and give your child a sense of control.

Practical steps include:

  • Transition visits: If your child is starting Year 7, ask for extra visits to the new school during the summer. Even walking past the building can help. If they’re moving up within secondary, look for opportunities to meet the new form tutor or pastoral lead.
  • Practice journeys: Do the school run in advance, especially if travel is new. Work out train times, bus routes, or walking paths together.
  • Timetable preparation: If you can get a copy of the timetable before term, go through it together. Colour-coding subjects or creating a wall chart can help with organisation.
  • Reset routines: A week or two before September, reintroduce school bedtimes and morning wake-ups.

Supporting your child in September

The first weeks of term are often the hardest. Your child is managing new teachers, new rules, and the pressure to fit in with peers  –  all after a long break. Here are some ways you can support them:

  • Keep home life calm: After-school meltdowns are common. Try not to overload evenings with activities in the first month. A quiet meal and downtime at home can help them recharge.
  • Check in daily: Short, low-pressure conversations often work best –  “What was the easiest part of today?” rather than “Did you behave?”
  • Help with organisation: Work together to pack bags the night before. A checklist on the bedroom wall or fridge can make this easier.
  • Balance independence and support: Teenagers may resist help but still need it. Frame support as teamwork rather than control.
  • Watch for changes: Notice if your child seems more withdrawn, irritable, or exhausted than usual. This may be a sign they need extra support at school.

Working with the school

Secondary schools are bigger and more complex than primaries, so it’s important to know who your key contacts are.

  • The Designated Teacher: Every school has one, responsible for supporting previously looked-after children. They should be your main advocate in school.
  • Form tutor and pastoral team: These staff members know your child day-to-day and can often spot issues early.
  • SENCo (Special Educational Needs Coordinator): If your child struggles with learning or emotional regulation, the SENCo can arrange support.

When meeting with staff, focus on what helps your child succeed. You don’t need to share full personal histories  –  just enough for teachers to understand that behaviours may be linked to early experiences. For example:

  • Your child may struggle with sudden changes, so extra warning is useful.
  • They may need a quiet place to calm down if they feel overwhelmed.
  • Punishment-based approaches may escalate situations rather than help.

Regular, open communication is key. Don’t wait for parents’ evenings  –  instead, agree on a way to share updates (email, phone call, or a quick check-in after school).

Entitlements and support

Secondary-age children who are adopted from care, under SGOs or CAOs, are entitled to specific support in UK schools:

  • Pupil Premium Plus (PPP): Schools receive additional funding for eligible children, which should be used to support academic progress and wellbeing.
  • Designated Teacher: A statutory role in every school, tasked with championing the needs of previously looked-after children.
  • Pastoral support: Many schools provide mentoring, safe spaces, or wellbeing programmes.
  • Education, Health and Care Plans (EHCPs): If your child has significant additional needs, you can apply for an EHCP to secure long-term support.

Ask the school how PPP funding is used for your child. It might support one-to-one tuition, mentoring, or emotional regulation programmes.

Building your own knowledge and support

Supporting a teenager who has experienced early trauma can feel daunting. Many parents and carers describe adolescence as the most challenging stage yet, when familiar strategies from childhood suddenly stop working. This is where investing in your own understanding of teenage attachment can make a huge difference.

One option is our Adolescence, Attachment and Building Connection (A-ABC) course. This is an eight-session virtual programme designed for parents and carers, exploring teenage brain development, how attachment plays out during adolescence, and what this means for young people who have experienced early trauma. The sessions are interactive, led by highly qualified clinicians, and include the chance to connect with other parents and carers who are facing similar challenges. Courses like A-ABC not only provide practical strategies but also offer reassurance that you are not alone in navigating the teenage years.

Looking after yourself

Supporting a teenager through September can be stressful for parents and carers too. It’s common to feel worried about whether they’ll cope, or frustrated if the school doesn’t seem to understand.

Remember to:

  • Connect with other parents and carers through support groups.
  • Take time for your own wellbeing –  parenting through transition is demanding.
  • Remind yourself that setbacks are normal. Many adopted and kinship teenagers need longer to adjust, but they do make progress with the right support.

September as a fresh start

For adopted, SGO and kinship teenagers, September can feel like starting all over again. The summer break disrupts routines, and moving up a year brings new academic and social challenges. But with preparation at home, strong communication with school, and the right entitlements in place, these challenges can be managed.

Transitions will never be effortless for every child, but they don’t have to be overwhelming. With steady support, September can become not just a time of stress, but an opportunity for growth and confidence.