Professionals working with children, young people and families will often encounter situations where progress feels difficult.
A young person may not attend appointments. A parent may seem reluctant to discuss concerns. Conversations may feel repetitive or circular. Recommendations that everyone agreed on may not be implemented. Despite genuine effort from both professionals and families, it can sometimes feel as though the work has stalled.
These experiences are frequently described as examples of resistance. Yet resistance is one of those terms that can mean many different things to different people. For some, it describes a barrier to engagement. For others, it reflects a person’s understandable response to difficult circumstances. Increasingly, professionals are recognising that resistance is rarely something that exists solely within a child, young person or family. Instead, it often emerges within the context of relationships, experiences and systems.
Understanding resistance in this way can help professionals move beyond questions of compliance and non-compliance and towards a more nuanced understanding of what may be happening beneath the surface.
Why the concept of resistance might be unhelpful
The word “resistance” is widely used across social care, safeguarding, and therapeutic services. However, it can sometimes unintentionally suggest that an individual is unwilling to engage, refusing support or deliberately creating obstacles.
In reality, human behaviour is rarely that straightforward.
Children, young people and families are often navigating complex situations alongside the professionals supporting them. They may be managing uncertainty, stress, fear, shame, grief, previous experiences of services, or competing demands within their daily lives. These factors can influence how people engage with support and how they respond when difficult conversations arise.
When we view resistance solely as a problem within the individual, we risk overlooking important contextual factors that may be influencing what we are seeing.
A more helpful starting point is often to remain curious about what a particular response might be communicating.
Understanding resistance as communication
From a psychological perspective, behaviour serves a function.
This does not mean that every behaviour is conscious or intentional, but it does mean that behaviour often tells us something about a person’s experience, needs or perception of a situation.
When professional relationships become stuck, there may be many possible explanations.
For example:
- A family may feel overwhelmed by the number of professionals involved in their lives.
- A young person may be uncertain about whether they can trust another adult.
- A parent may feel worried about being judged or misunderstood.
- Previous experiences with services may influence expectations about what support will be like.
- Discussions about change may evoke difficult emotions that are hard to tolerate.
The challenge for professionals is that these experiences are not always expressed directly. Instead, they may emerge through avoidance, withdrawal, anger, apparent disengagement or inconsistent attendance.
Whilst these behaviours can create practical difficulties, they can also provide valuable information about how an individual is experiencing the work or support.
The influence of trauma and adversity
Many professionals now work from a trauma-informed perspective, recognising that experiences of adversity can have a significant impact on relationships, trust and engagement.
A trauma-informed approach begins with the recognition that past experiences of trauma and adversity can shape how children, young people and families perceive support, relationships and professional authority. In this context, it means understanding that responses which may appear avoidant, defensive, inconsistent or resistant can sometimes reflect attempts to stay safe, manage distress or maintain control, rather than a simple unwillingness to engage.
Practically, a trauma-informed approach invites professionals to think carefully about safety, trust, choice, collaboration and empowerment. It encourages us to consider how meetings are experienced, how language may be received, whether people feel listened to, and how power imbalances might affect engagement. Rather than focusing only on whether someone is complying, the professional remains curious about what may be making contact, openness or change feel difficult at that moment.
This does not remove the need for professional boundaries, accountability or attention to risk. Instead, it helps practitioners respond in ways that are more attuned, respectful and effective. Where relationships become stuck, a trauma-informed stance supports a shift from asking what is wrong with this person? to asking what might this response make sense in light of? In work with children and families, that shift can be essential for building trust, reducing defensiveness and creating the conditions for more meaningful engagement.
This does not mean that all resistance can or should be understood through a trauma lens. However, trauma-informed practice encourages us to ask different questions.
Rather than asking:
“Why won’t this person engage?” we might begin to wonder: “What experiences may have shaped their response to support?”
This shift from judgment to curiosity can create space for deeper understanding and more effective engagement.
The role of power in relationships
Resistance cannot be understood fully without considering power.
Professionals often hold responsibilities and authority that influence the lives of children and families. This is particularly true within safeguarding, social work and statutory services, where decisions may have significant consequences.
Even within therapeutic contexts, professionals hold expertise, access to resources and influence within helping relationships.
Whilst these responsibilities are important, they can also affect how support is experienced.
- Families may feel scrutinised.
- Young people may feel they have limited control over decisions affecting them.
- Parents may feel that they are being assessed rather than supported.
These experiences do not automatically lead to resistance, but they can shape how people respond to professional involvement. Resistance may be overt, such as openly refusing appointments, challenging recommendations or expressing anger directly. It may also be covert, appearing instead through surface compliance, partial engagement, avoidance, repeated postponement, silence or agreeing without any real sense of collaboration or trust. Reflecting on these different forms and on the power dynamics that may sit beneath them can therefore provide important insights into situations where relationships feel stuck.
Why resistance may affect professionals deeply
Working with resistance can be emotionally demanding.
Most professionals enter helping professions because they genuinely want to improve outcomes for children and families. When progress feels limited, it is understandable to experience feelings such as:
- Frustration
- Self-doubt
- Anxiety/helplessness
- Disappointment
- Concern about risk or outcomes
These responses are a normal part of professional practice.
However, they can also influence the way we think, feel and respond within our work.
When we feel under pressure to achieve change, there can be a temptation to work harder, push more strongly or focus increasingly on achieving compliance.
Sometimes these responses can unintentionally contribute to the very difficulties we are trying to address.
This is why reflective practice, supervision and opportunities for professional development remain so important.
Moving beyond compliance
In many professional systems, engagement is often measured through attendance, participation and implementation of recommendations.
Whilst these indicators may be important, they do not always tell us everything we need to know about the quality of engagement.
- A person may attend every appointment whilst feeling unable to discuss what really matters.
- A family may agree with recommendations without feeling confident enough to implement them.
- A young person may appear cooperative whilst remaining emotionally disconnected from the process.
Meaningful engagement is often more complex than simple measures of compliance can capture.
Developing a deeper understanding of resistance can help professionals think more carefully about the difference between participation and genuine engagement.
Resistance and the process of change
Another common misconception is that resistance necessarily indicates a lack of progress.
In reality, change is often uncomfortable.
Whether we are considering changes in behaviour, relationships, routines or ways of thinking, periods of uncertainty and ambivalence are a normal part of the process.
People frequently move backwards and forwards between wanting change and feeling apprehensive about it. This tension can be particularly pronounced when change feels risky, unfamiliar or emotionally challenging.
For professionals, recognising this can help us develop realistic expectations about the nature of change and avoid viewing every setback as evidence that progress has stopped.
Developing a more reflective approach
Working effectively with resistance is rarely about finding the perfect technique or script.
Instead, it often involves developing a deeper understanding of:
- The context in which resistance occurs
- The impact of trauma, attachment and adversity
- The role of power within professional relationships
- The emotional responses evoked in practitioners
- The complexities involved in meaningful change
By approaching resistance with curiosity rather than certainty, professionals are often better placed to maintain relationships, understand barriers to engagement and support sustainable change over time.
Working with Resistance: A workshop for professionals
At Gateway Psychology, our Working with Resistance workshop has been developed for social workers, therapists and other professionals working with children, young people and families.
The training explores the psychological, relational and systemic factors that can contribute to professional relationships becoming stuck, helping participants develop a deeper understanding of resistance and its role within helping relationships.
The workshop considers:
- Understanding resistance in context
- Power, authority and the professional role
- The emotional impact of resistance on practitioners
- Working with resistance in practice
- Resistance as part of the process of change
Through discussion, reflection and practice-informed learning, participants are encouraged to think critically about their own experiences and consider how these ideas can be applied within their professional roles.
Rather than viewing resistance simply as a barrier to progress, the workshop invites practitioners to consider what resistance might be communicating, what it can teach us about engagement, and how a more psychologically informed understanding can support meaningful and lasting change for children, young people and families.